Warning! Incredibly Harmful Virus!
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If you receive an e-mail with a
subject line of "Badtimes," delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it. This
is the most dangerous e-mail virus yet.
It will re-write your hard
drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your
computer.
It will recalibrate your
refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and milk curdles.
It will demagnetize the strips on
all your credit cards, reprogram your ATM access code, screw up the tracking on your
VCR and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play.
It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend
your new phone number.
It will mix antifreeze into your
fish tank. It will drink all your beer and leave its dirty socks on the coffee table when
there's company coming over.
It will hide your car keys when you
are late for work and interfere with your car radio so that you hear only static while
stuck in traffic. Badtimes will make you fall in love with a hardened criminal.
It will give you nightmares about
circus midgets.
It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their dates and rendezvous to your Visa card. Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease.
It will leave the toilet seat up and
leave the hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub it will not only remove
the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, and refill your skim milk with whole.
It is insidious and subtle. It
is dangerous and terrifying to behold.
It is also a rather interesting
shade of mauve. These are just a few signs.
Be very, very afraid.