The Confessional
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A married man goes to confessional and tells the priest, "I almost had an affair with a woman."
The priest asks, "What do you mean, almost?"
"Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."
The priest replies, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to go near that woman again. Now, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."
The man leaves confessional, says his prayers, and then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment and then starts to leave.
The priest quickly runs over to him and says, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"
"Well, Father, I rubbed up against it and you said it was the same as putting it in."