Bill Of No Rights
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Our Rights: The following was written by State Representative
Mitchell Kaye from Cobb County, GA
We, the sensible people of the United States, in
an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid anymore
riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and securethe blessings of
debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more
time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny,
guilt-ridden, basically lazy people. We hold these truths to be self-evident:
ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.
ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be
offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone - not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the
world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.
ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free
from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful. Do not expect
the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.
ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after
generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of
another generation of professional couch potatoes.
ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free
health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not
interested in health care.
ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to
physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone,
don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.
ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the
possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other
citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place
where you still won't have the right to a big-screen color TV or a life of leisure.
ARTICLE VIII: You don't have the right to demand
that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We
hate oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if
you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spend
so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a
funny hat.
ARTICLE IX: You don't have the right to a job.
All of us sure want all of you to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times,
but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational
training laid before you to make yourself useful.
ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to pursue happiness, which, by
the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws
created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.