The Judge
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A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a school teacher with a chain saw."
From out in the audience a man shouts, "You lying bastard!"
"Silence in the court!" the judge shouted back. He turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."
"You goddamned tightwad!" blurted the spectator.
"Quiet!" yelled the judge. "You are also charged with killing a mailman with
an electric drill."
"You cheap son of a..." the man starts to shout.
The Judge thunders back "If you don't tell me the reason for your outbursts right
now, I will hold in contempt!"
"I've lived next to that lying bastard for ten years now, but do you think he ever had a f*****g tool when I needed to borrow one!"