One Chicken, One Road, Many Reasons
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
KINDERGARTEN TEACHER:� To get to the other side.
PLATO:� For the greater good of man.
ARISTOTLE:� It is the nature of chickens to cross
roads.
KARL MARX:� It was a historical inevitability.
TIMOTHY LEARY:� Because that's the only trip the
establishment would let it take.
OSAMA BIN LADEN:�That chicken knew nothing of its mission (ha ha ha) only that it would be a martyr.
SADDAM HUSSEIN:� This was an unprovoked act of
rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
RONALD REAGAN:� I forget.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK:� To boldly go where no
chicken has gone before.
HIPPOCRATES:� Because of an excess of phlegm in
its pancreas.
ANDERSEN CONSULTING:� Deregulation of the
chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position.� The chicken
was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for
the newly competitive market.� Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with
the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and�
implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the
chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the
chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a
Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of
road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the
transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage
their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize
with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and uccessfully
architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of
poultry cross-median processes.The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling
and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry focused, and
built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's
mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total
business.
LOUIS FARRAKHAN:� The road, you see, represents
the black man. The chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him
down.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:� I envision a world where
all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into
question.
MOSES:� And God came down from the Heavens, and He
said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road."� And the chicken
crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
FOX MULDER:� You saw it cross the road with your
own eyes. How�many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
RICHARD M. NIXON:� The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
MACHIAVELLI:� The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever
motive there was.
JERRY SEINFELD:� Why does anyone cross a
road?� I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken
doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"
FREUD:� The fact that you are at all concerned
that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES:� I have just released the new Chicken
Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important
documents, and balance your checkbook.
OLIVER STONE:� The question is not, "Why did
the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the
same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
CHARLES DARWIN:� Chickens, over great periods of time,
have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross
roads.
ALBERT EINSTEIN:� Whether the chicken crossed the road or
the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken
nature.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON:� The chicken did not cross
the road... it transcended it.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:� To die.� In the rain.
COLONEL SANDERS:� I missed one?
BILL CLINTON:� I did not, and I repeat, did not have
sexual relations with that chicken.
PAT BUCHANAN:� To steal a job from a decent, hard working American.
L.A.P.D.:� Give us five minutes with the chicken and we'll find out.
DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!
GRANDPA:� In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
GEORGE W. BUSH:� The chicken crossed the road because he was an evil-doer, and we smoked him out of his hole and got him on the run!