Confused Blonde
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A blonde dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates, where she is greeted by St. Peter.
"Welcome!" he says. "Because we are currently operating at 99% capacity, we can only let a limited number of souls into heaven. Therefore, you must answer my questions correctly to gain entrance."
"Okay," says the blonde.
"Here's your question: name two days of the week that begin with the letter T."
"That's easy. Today and tomorrow!"
"Well, that's not the answer I was thinking of, but I'll give you another question. How many seconds are there in a year?"
"That's easy. Twelve!"
"Twelve?"
"January second, February second, March second--"
"Okay, okay. I can see you misunderstood this question as well. Okay, one more chance. What's God's name?"
"That's easy. Howard!"
"Howard?"
"You know -- 'Our Father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name..."